Embracing the inevitable with dignity and clarity
Death is something we will all face, yet it is often the conversation we avoid. At MyGoodbyes, we believe it is time to say “death”: to bring it into our awareness and talk about it openly, honestly and practically.
Why we shy away from the subject
Despite being universal, death is still treated as a taboo. Many people avoid the topic entirely, while others try to talk about it but feel awkward, uncertain, or afraid of saying the wrong thing. These feelings are understandable, but by avoiding the topic we miss the opportunity to prepare emotionally and practically for something we know will come.
What happens when we do not talk about death
When we avoid talking about death and our end of life wishes, several risks emerge:
- Our final moments might not reflect what matters most to us.
- Loved ones may be left to make difficult decisions without guidance or understanding of our wishes.
- Grieving can become harder when goodbyes remain unsaid. Research shows that when we are unable to say goodbye properly, loss can feel heavier and more difficult to process. (Psychology Today)
What it means to “say death”
Saying “death” is about removing the fear from the word itself. It means:
- Acknowledging death as a natural part of life, rather than something to push aside.
- Planning for it by thinking about what we want our care, our goodbyes and our legacy to look like.
- Sharing it by talking openly with the people we love so they are not left guessing later.
- Living with awareness by recognising that understanding death helps us live more meaningfully today.
Kevin McKenna’s reflection
In a powerful article for The Guardian, journalist Kevin McKenna reflected on how the sudden death of a friend changed the way he viewed mortality. He wrote:
“The word ‘death’ isn’t allowed to stand on its own any more. It has to be euphemised into ‘passed away’, ‘lost’, or ‘no longer with us’. But death is not an enemy. It is simply part of what it means to be alive.”
McKenna’s words remind us that avoiding the word does not protect us from it. Instead, it keeps us from the peace that comes with acceptance and understanding.
How MyGoodbyes supports the conversation
Through our Workshops and MyGoodbyes Parties, we provide tools, video prompts and supportive group settings that help loved ones explore these topics together:
- What a good death looks like for you
- What you want to happen after you are gone
- How to say goodbye in a way that feels right for you and them
- How to start these conversations and keep them going as your thoughts change
Getting started: four gentle steps
- Choose a moment — Invite someone you trust to talk with you about life, death and everything in between.
- Start simply — Ask a question such as: “What would matter most to me if I could not make decisions any more?”
- Share one thing — Express one wish, memory or value you want remembered.
- Revisit often — These conversations are not one off. Revisit them as your feelings and circumstances evolve.
In summary
It is time to say death — calmly, kindly and clearly. By speaking about it now, we make space for peace, understanding and a sense of control over how we live and how we leave.
